This morning, let us start with politics. Katie White from the Tings Tings is about to begin her second day on the roof of the Houses of Parliament protesting at the government's proposals to extend detention without charge for terrorist suspects from 28 to 42 days.Actually, she isn't. And neither is Liam Fray from out of the Courteneers blockading a Shell station in Levenshulme in protest at rising petrol prices. No such things are happening, because Britain is a politically apathetic country concerned with nothing more than where the next Rustler microwaveable burger is coming from.
In the US, however, the climate is different. Pop stars are speaking out daily on matters of import to the nation; specifically, just which song Republican presidential candidate John McCain should have as his campaign anthem.
After months of abortive attempts at finding a tune to sum up his renegade, geriatric bid for the White House, and finding that none of the artists asked wanted to their music to be associated with him, McCain recently plumped for Chuck Berry's iconic Johnny B Goode, mainly because it has the chorus "Go Johnny Go Go Go" in it. The imagery about living in a house "made of herbs and wood" was less important.
When asked why he had chosen Johnny B Goode, the Independent reports, McCain replied: "It might be because it is the only one [the artist] hasn't complained about us using."
Technically this is true, but Berry - now 81 and still black - will not be voting for the party that left New Orleans to rot. Instead, he's quite keen on that Obama fellow.
"America has finally come to this point where you can pick a man of colour and that not be a drawback," Berry told the Indy. "In the Fifties there were certain places we couldn't ride on the bus, and now there is a possibility of a black man being in the White House.
"It's no question, myself being a man of colour. I mean, you have to feel good about it."
And if Chuck manages to get some performance royalties from each and every McCain rally for the rest of the year, he'd have a double reason to feel good.
In one of the least surprising revelations of recent years, Pete Doherty thinks he's Jesus. Or rather, some artist or other does and, in a fit of genuine creative inspiration, he's building a statue of Pete on a crucifix. He's also busy sending pictures of the whole process to Smart Gordon.
Explains Gordo: "Pete Doherty has commissioned a sculpture of himself on a cross showing him being tortured while surrounded by newspaper cuttings for a solo show in London."
Nick Reynolds, the artist involved in the whole procedure, was on hand to clarify the deep and subtle subtext to the work: "I was quite pally with Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates and their love affair - like Pete and KATE's [MOSS] - went a bit sour. The negative Press [sic] put a downward spiral on them.
"And when I saw the Press that Pete was getting, it made me think of them. I saw the same pattern. As if Pete was being crucified by the Press."
The fact that Reynolds is discussing all this in the press with a journalist is, naturally, not lost on Smart Gordon.
"Whatever you say, pal", he writes. "The exclusive behind-the-scenes pictures above of Pete's plaster session were given to me - for a bit of publicity.
"Er, just a minute. Any slight contradiction here, Mr Doherty?"
Let's hope Pete didn't get any cash for those pics either, Mr Gordon.
First there was that Daft Punk homage on YouTube. Then there was the Mystery Jets promo that had them chatting. Now, finally, the creative use of fingers in pop videos appears to have hit the tipping point after Kanye West not only made his digits dance but dressed them up in trainers too.
Kim Dawson of Kim Dawson's Playlist has the scoop: "Kanye West dressed up his digits in mini trousers and trainers to strut his stuff in the vid for Pro Nails, the debut single from his hot new singing discovery Kid Sister."
Kid Sister, it has to be said, is generally rubbish, but she's obviously been bowled over by the sheer talent in Kanye's fingers.
"I didn't have the skill to make my fingers dance in the video but Kanye got right in there. He made it look like they were break-dancing. He's an inspirational guy."
Oh yes he is. So inspirational, in fact, that In the News is going to take the rest of the day off and practice some electric finger boogaloo.
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